#yeah who thought that was a good idea
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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have you put the pieces together yet, detective
#goro akechi#akechi goro#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5 akechi#p5 spoilers#persona 5 fanart#jesst some art#i may have worked on this for... just under two weeks? i had like. so many fckgin thoughts i might make a process/concept breakdown post#it's honestly just for my own peace (haha piece) of mind because i overthought about. SosoooOoOo many motifs and symbols and i just wanna#idk PUT EM ALL somewhere........ maybe it'll become its own jessay of mine. god. who can say.#also DUDE tumblr rly does crunch up quality wow ouch#unironically a core thematic inspiration for this piece is a quote from the folding ideas' video 'the nostalgia critic and the wall'#'it doesn't all make sense or resolve or coalesce because we don't all make sense'#'everyone is the illusion of order constructed brick by brick out of chaos'#i've watched that video essay through at least. a dozen times at this point. everything about it. yeah. it's good.#this piece initially went many different directions and i have realized ah yes to fully explore just THESE themes that i'm interested in as#they relate to goro akechi i will need to draw. at least two more pieces. sdlfhsdlkfjsd
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Torn apart. Inspired by Romeo and Juliet by Sergio Cupido
#rdr2#morston#john marston#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#rdr#red dead redemption#arthur/john#john/arthur#morstonmonday#morston monday#hewo! happy to be here for another monday with you guys hehe#ALSO i wanna say. someone else did a redraw of them as this painting before kjhfgk#i had no idea and only saw it after i already started the wip#JUST KNOW ITS NOT LIKE. ORIGINAL AT ALL I JUST;;; HAVE LOTS OF THOUGHTS + EMOTIONS#but yeah idk if the many disembodied dutch hands keeping them apart makes sense to anyone but me#but like something something that man's actions ultimately were what tore them apart#as well as growing up under his care/influence inevitably created the wedge in between them#as well as the perceived rivalry over whos the favorite son or whatever#and then in more fucky terms. i like to imagine he was fucking them both and preventing them from doing the same with one another :)#something something that wouldn't be right but i know better so it's different with me#or whatever#sorry to spew my dutch grooming agenda all over you guys on this good monday. it will happen again#ANYWAY#again hope this resonates with anyone other than me lol#my art
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There is a nebulous jordie lives au which lives entirely in my head in which jordie recovers from the plague while Kaz is still sick. He gets up to find them food and water only to return and discover Kaz is nowhere to be found. Still recovering from the fever, he searches the barrel for days before he finally sees Kaz wandering down the staves in a sort of fugue state, soaked to the bone with a haunted look in his eyes.
Kaz won’t tell him what happened, but jordie knows it’s bad because his baby brother flinches every time he touches him, and soon enough he’s started wearing gloves, even in the height of summer.
Soon, they discover kazs gift for cards, and it keeps them fed and clothed, if not much else. Kaz is angry at jordie for losing the money, refuses to let him make any decisions. Jordie is beholden to his angry traumatized little brother because he can’t deny that he failed them the first time around.
Kaz is offered a place in his pick of the gangs, but the only one willing to take both him and his tag along older brother is the dregs. Jordie dies a little bit inside when they join up, when they take the tattoo side by side, but he’s not sure they’ll survive another winter on the streets.
And the plot of SoC generally goes on from there. Jordie tags along on the ice court, he and Jesper test kazs patience at every turn, he’s constantly offering unsolicited annoying older brother advice about Inej.
This lends itself to a really interesting exploration of Kaz and jordies relationship, what holds brothers together in the face of incredible trauma, the skewed power dynamic of Kaz becoming the breadwinner for them both at the age of nine, etc etc. But mostly, this au is a vessel for the sailing of the ultimate crack ship, which is of course, jordie/alys Van Eck.
#grishaverse#six of crows#jordie rietveld#kaz brekker#sorry. but I must speak my truth.#idk I’m hugely compelled by the idea of barrel boy jordie and sheltered housewife alys falling madly in love.#Kaz is trying to scheme them out of this whole mess and jordies like hey. do you think it would be okay to kidnap her again. like morally.#it’s just that I’ve thought of some really good jokes that I think she’d like. and Kaz (who has had negative sleep) just glares at him#also Kaz becoming uncle Kaz to Van Ecks new heir? truly the comeuppance Van Eck deserves#also yeah obviously the kaz jordie angst of this au compels me but make no mistake. it’s about jordie/alys#again. sorry.
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you really are pathetic.
#my art#chonny jash#cccc#heart#mind#soul#...hes there okayyyy#hes soooo there#my new Thing for art rn seems to be fucking around w color filters#and weird resolution stuff its basically AWESOMEEEE!!!#i like the idea of soul (red) being all... fleshy..... flesh IDKKK YA I GOT THOUGHTS ABT IT BUT MAYBE I SHOULD STAY QUIET???#if i speak too much. well then its all pigs in a fox pen isnt it? its all pens at the temple isnt it? its all?? well YEAH WELLLLLL#souls like flesh and hearts like blood and minds like. uhhhh. heeheh u know hes like.... he gets monitored by the fuckin ECG THATS WHAT!!!!!#keep twitching man make the results difficult to read u cant even lay STILL for a moment.so fidgety and the system doesnt know what to DO HA#to anyone reading this just know that im actually quite a lame person. i just say a lot of bullshit and make a lot of bullshit and sometimes#the bullshit is good but like. u know its coming from someone whos just kinda lame!!#yea anyway heres my freakin ART i hope u LIKE IT and if u DONT thats FINE bc NOT every piece of art is for EVERYONE!! THANK U!!!!!!!!!
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My (perhaps controversial) Jaster Mereel characterization goes something like this this.
Jaster age like. 19: the police Journeyman Protectors protect the community! I’m going to join.
Jaster like, two weeks later: hey dude you just took a bribe, that’s not cool. I’m going to report you. We can’t let one bad apple ruin our duty.
Jaster another week later when the police Journeyman Protectors protected their own: I can fix things from the inside right? Right.
Jaster age like. 21: so anyway the whole system is fucked and murder is the answer.
#jaster mereel#Star Wars#star wars headcanons#I saw a post agessss ago that was like#‘if cops are really good people they’d leave when they realized how fucked the system was’#and when I encounter Jaster ‘reform fucking every’ Mereel#I thought of that post#so#idk#I have options™️ on Jaster#like. yeah he was a space cop#but he was a space cop who murdered his superior for being corrupt???#like. ugh.#I think he saw a lot of corruption when he was not-technically-a-cop#I think seeing that corruption informed his reformist plans#I rotate this blorbo sooooo much you have no idea#I think he’s a complicated man with a strong sense of justice#but he did in fact give an 8-year old a bomb so
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yk, I want Bludhaven’s Nightwing and Gotham’s Nightwing to be different.
In Gotham, obviously there are. A lot more people. There, he is “the nice one” (compared to the others).
In Bludhaven? Blud-worse crime rate than Gotham-Haven, managed only by Nightwing? There’s no fuckin way.
Personally I don’t think it’s. Mainly a conscious decision or smth? Just he does more in Bludhaven and maybe ends up being generally less cheery? Or smth. He’s more willing to be (externally) tired with Bludhaven than he would be with Gotham.
Idk, smth for him to really embody the Terror of Bludhaven title yk? Nightwing is Bludhaven’s Batman; you know like, before robin and everything. He works too hard and he’s something to be scared of. He is Bludhaven’s Batman - just a bit more flippy & quippy (and a lot more friends).
#Nightwing#dick grayson#thoughts ig#I really like the Terror of Bludhaven title I’ve heard around for Dick#and I just like the idea that. yeah. he really is TERROR on Haven’s crime. like Batman was *fear* in the early years for Gotham#dick is a scary motherfucker in Haven.#he’s not to much in Gotham cause he doesn’t have to. yk? like he isn’t a scary bitch in Gotham. not cause he can’t in Gotham/with others#just cause he doesn’t HAVE to.#also he’s a manipulator-charismanaic who keeps his cards close to his chest no matter who/what#love a moment w/ Batfam realizing the diff reputation Nightwing has in Haven#ask a gothamite abt NW? oh uhhhh flippy & quippy. still a damn menace tho.#as someone from the Haven about NW? …entirely depends if they’re like a serious criminal or not.#yes? vitriol. pure fuckin annoyance and anger and definitely fear. even if it’s well hidden in there. def fear#no? oh yk thankfulness - maybe personally some good sentiment; still acknowledgment of his competence.#man that one fic about uhhh like spiderman getting unmasked after the train except it was Nightwing and everyone agrees to keep it a secret#cause that’s THEIR hero? the one who looked at blud-worse crime rate than Gotham-Haven and went. I’ll help. AND DID?#also abt the Blud & Gotham whose worse thing; personally I think it’s. Gotham has crazier crimes; Bludhaven has /more/ crime + gang violence#anyway#that was a lot#dc comics#Bludhaven#Gotham
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y’all really do get the most real and unfiltered version of me on here. i feel like we get to have actual conversations and i can truly be myself 🤍
#honestly being back on here has been great for my mental health#which sounds ironic#tumblr??#good for your mental health??#but yeah#i really fell like myself again and like i want to share my thoughts and ideas#it reminds me of how much i love this community and makes me excited to film again#anyway#who would have thought that complaining about shitty fanfic would remind me that there’s still good in the world#but really you could ask me almost anything on here and i think i’d answer it atp#a clockwork ramble
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i have no explanation for this
#james fitzjames#og james fitzjames#the terror#my drawings#the terror dan simmons#historical james fitzjames#the franklin expedition#now this was a few months ago#but i think the idea was#that franklin & fitzjames look like the kind of guys who would be absolutely crazy about Nutella#nevermind that it hadn’t been invented yet#and uh#this happened#polar explorer fanart#the terror fanart#james fitzjames fanart#drawn in a moment of sleep deprivation induced madness#that’s really all i can say for myself#imagine how much it would suck to be in your early thirties on your very first arctic expedition (that you thought would be a breeze)#and now suddenly you’re in charge (because your boss died)#(possibly both his bosses— we don’t know!)#and it’s really just a no win situation all around#like yeah you signed up for this#and you were so sure it would be a good time that you got several of your friends to sign up with you#so there’s absolutely no one to blame but yourself#but how could you know it would be this bad#no other expedition here (as far as i know) ever had a 100% fatality rate#but i guess there always has to be a first#(but why did you have to be the first?)#you know?
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the company i work for decided that its switching from the german formal "You"(Sie) to the informal "you" (Du) in all of our websites so now we have to scour the entire database to change it and i quite frankly hate that, not just bc the unecessary extra work but especially bc its such a weird and unecessary change
i bet its bc everything here is getting englishfied (both literally and culturally it feels like, when my new boss talks its half in english bc every second german word is just replaced by an english one despite there being perfectly fine words for it in german too, its so annoying) and bc they want to sound more personal in hopes of getting more clients bc 'company is your fwiend uwu!!', i know this here is the amercian tm site so you wouldnt understand really but i do not want to be greeted with 'du' by companies, no, thats too personal, you dont know me and im not giving you my data, stay away!!
i guess thats how i would describe it .. the formal you is like a polite distance, like someone you dont know staying outside your personal space, but when its the informal 'you' it feels invasive unless i told you you can call me that, and that goes double for companies
maybe its a small thing that doesnt seem important but i cant stand it, im just a little part time worker doing data work so i got no say in it but the companies founder also announced hes giving his post to his kids some time ago so ...... since then theres been alot of changes and new projects that solely aim to imitate whats popular and whats done by other companies, despite ours being one that is, or used to be, intentionally different, like, that was the POINT, but i guess chasing trends is just too appealing for CEOs
#ganondoodles talks#personal#rare personal rant#theres more and more changes that feel so weirdly forced#like man#i thought being different was the whole point#like climate and ethics are .. or were .. the core idea and now i guess its just fine to do whatever conventional companies are doing#yeah woohoo lets also do an app thing that forces people to sign up if they want reasonable prices!#smartphones the standard everwhere!#who needs anything physical if you can put it in an a phone so syphon off data directly out of people fingertips!! yea!!!#lets use AI pitcures bc we refuse to hire more graphic desingers and they are jsut so overworked uwu#climate? ethic? whats that#argh#sorry this needed to get out#recently had a stupid conversation with a coworker bc i asked them why we are okay with AI shit now when it goes against what this-#company was presumably founded on#and he was rly defensive and said welll we dont have time and its cheap and also maybe we should got WITH the time#like that last thing especially pissed me tf off#but i cant afford to lose this job#im starting to hate it more though so the dream of being able to stay like this might not be real#i cant get a job in this place that is as nice to my mental health so idk man#i wish i was good enough at merch and online stuff so i could live of that#but even trying to find out how taxes work on that stuff is a nightmare to me
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The second fic idea is a what-if scenerio where Jimmy dies in the crash due to and altercation with Curly and how Curly would navigate being Captain once he has to notice the little things and how he and Anya's relationship develop as he adopts an identical view point to hers rather than just keeping the peace.
And maybe i will write it but only time will tell tbh but it's stuck in my brain dome for the time being.
#cause even if it got to Curly snapping and killing Jimmy for the sakes of the crew would you not have that guilt in being responsible for#anothers death espcially with all the responsibility on his shoulder and how he realizes he tried to be reponsible for things and made them#worse like the guilt drives Jimmy insane even if he doesnt admit like imagine Curly who would care so much and wonder if it shouldve#been him not to mention Anya being free from Jimmy but still not his actions and having to navigate still being stuck with the pregnancy an#the shallow feeling because relief doesn't mean happiness like i think shed believe shed be happier that Jimmy cant get to her anymore but#what now that their stuck? That the Captain is faltering and they are stranded for like another 6 months? If they even make it that long?#Like he may be gone but all his damage is still there and thr wounds fresh like its such a good concept i just cant divide my attention lik#that as i am still in college and it is sadly midterms#anyway uhhhh I just really want to write a fic where Curly and Anya can have that hard conversation on how he handled Jimmy constructively#and without him looking like undercooked skirt steak like there would be those moments where it lingers between the monotiny of staying#alive but how would they even address it? what comes first the sorry or the list of why he should be? like Curly places a lot of value on#his use to others and its interesing and subtle and its mostly directed between Jimmy who steers it and Anya who rides along with it#like go the thoughts and ideas i have but not the fuckin time!!!!#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#also daisuke and swansea are there but like i still have to think of the reflections they have and how to play with their characters in thi#idea world but yeah I want Curly to make amends and Anya to rediscover her autonomy and living outside that fear.
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When is an analogy about a falling tree actually about the complication of Eddie having moved his life to Texas only to realise he’s in love with his best friend?!!!
Because that’s what I’m getting from that Tim quote!! To talk about self flagelation, complications in reestablishing his relationship with Chris and then throw in a comment about never knowing what tree might fall on you to finish off the answer - was a choice!

And I can’t be the only one that is thinking back to 6x04 and the birdwatcher stuck under a tree (and the whole episode being about misunderstanding things and christopher lying and buck and Christopher’s relationship and things being complicated!) we’ve already had a callback to this episode as well this season with Buck riding white bikes and stopping traffic - we’ve graduated from a pushbike to a motorbike - things are speeding up!
#what can I say - I am having a lot of thoughts#trying to decipher Tim is never easy#but 604 feels like a very important episode - because it’s so focused on Eddie and Chris’s relationship and Eddie’s with his dad#it’s a parental focused episode and there is a fair amount of focus on buck and parenthood as well as the Eddie and Chris relationship#so I’m calling this episode as telling#also the bird watchers were brother and sister and that’s making me think that maybe we’ll get to see some Sophia and adrianna stuff#plus 604 is about knowing someone is a good person - knowing the truth of who a person is#there’s something about the idea of Tim hinting at a play on Eddie knowing himself more intimately - learning a truth about himself#realising he’s been lying to himself his whole lifand that is giving me queer energy#and we know Tim has been doing a speed run through buddies greatest hits and while this episode isn’t buddie focused in the strictest sense#it was an important episode for their relationship and for each of them that season#yeah I am musing hard#911 spoilers#911 abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#Tim minear
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ja'marr didn't even dance before he met justin
Toeleah is quiet and reserved, qualities that became a large part of Ja'Marr's personality. That's why she was so surprised to see her son dancing in the end zone after touchdowns this season, often celebrating in dance-offs with fellow receiver Justin Jefferson. Jimmy said they'd never seen Ja'Marr dance before. Not at family functions. Weddings. Nothing. Not even at his own high school graduation party. "I laugh when I see the videos," Toeleah said. "So, I'm just happy he's happy. You know what I mean? And I always told him, 'Enjoy it while you can, baby.'"
article here (warning: paywall)
#back on my jjmarr bullshit bc i never left!#afraid i whimpered a little when i read this#the thought of ja'marr? not dancing? genuinely baffles me#'quiet'. 'reserved'.#those were words once described ja'marr. ja'marr chase. what.#god. god. will never shut up about how much justin is responsible for the ja'marr we see today#building up his confidence and belief so he could become the best receiver he could be#especially interesting article bc ja'marr was the one who actually introduced the griddy to justin#so did shy baby freshman ja'marr always want to do this shit?#did he always want to dance but had too much anxiety and didn't want to be made fun of 🥺#but then he meets justin and it's like. no one would ever make fun of justin. confident justin who knows just how fucking good he is#justin who brings out that side of ja'marr that always wanted to dance#so he shows the video to justin who's immediately like 'hell fucking yeah mar that's a great idea'#and promptly tries it out the next game to great applause#jjmarr#ja'marr chase#justin jefferson
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The wrestling world is held together by three very powerful entities and they are
Ambrollins (the father)
Zowens (the son)
Golden Lovers (the Holy Spirit)
#i could've put the entire of the shield ambrellins there yeah but seth is the one after 5 years who cant stop thinking about mox#anyway dont ask me why i wrote this i just miss them all#especially seth and mox!!! wwe share your wrestler and let seth go to aew for jjst a few monts#also missing kenny and kota because lately i thought it would be a good idea to rewatch their romance#wwe#seth rollins#aew#jon moxley#ambrollins#kenny omega#kota ibushi#golden lovers#sami zayn#kevin owens
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jshk × love-bullet au??
except in jshk almost everyone dead has experienced love in their life so. (evil grin) It's going to be about a certain someone I've been waiting for the opportunity to talk about for ages.
I'm so normal I swear!
I might or might have not got just a tiny bit carried away and come up with tons of headcanons. might reblog with some later if I feel like it
#this is for me and like 1.5 people who might understand me I DON'T CARE KATAKURI YEEEHHAWW#katakuri would definitely be reborn as a cupid. a _struggling_ one#I love him very much I swear#choosing mei seems random but she would be reborn too#and so I thought why the hell not give them interactions#that's it#they're both are such interesting characters#and I had so much fun thinking about katakuri outside the cave™#PLEASE READ LOVE-BULLET. it's really good I'm serious#and it's relatively new so it won't take long to catch up!! it has just started#jshk#tbhk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#toilet bound hanako kun#shijima mei#jshk katakuri#tbhk katakuri#is there a tag for him I don't even know#I guess we all just have no idea#also yeah ik the yugi twins would probably become cupids too#but I don't like them#so there won't be any yugi-centered content from me#love bullet#<- I repeat. Very good#remember when I said I look at a character's canon appearance once and then proceed to draw them Wrong? it's clearly showing here loll
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I'll hand it to you.
#trial 1 wrecked me guys#the only thing that stopped me from crying was monokumas weirdass voice (not used to it after the first 2 games)#and kokichi's perfectly timed jabs#these bastards prevented me from making a fool of myself#the trial also wrecked me literally cuz the controls were hell#who thought it was a good idea to put E as focus and R as speed up#i was so confused on why my focus gauge kept eating up even tho i wasnt pressing the bar#v3 is the most janky game ive played so far#anyways yeah#commemorative art for kaediot and poo-ichi#congratulations on starting the killing game lol#(sobs)#my art#kaede akamatsu#shuichi saihara#saimatsu?#saimatsu#could be taken platonically too
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